his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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