just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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