things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
