I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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