I wish my penis had an off switch
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
