considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
