Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
