I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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