it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
