just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
