i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
