I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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