I've blown a few things in my day
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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