garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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