Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
