that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
