fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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