I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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