i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
