These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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