I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
