I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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