Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
