I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
