I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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