WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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