R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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