I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
