guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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