I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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