she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
