Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
