i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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