I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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