using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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