ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
