I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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