It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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