its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
