shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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