Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
