Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
