Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
