If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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