At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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