if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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