now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
