"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
