Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
