is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
