shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
