Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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